Predictability kills 'Final Destination 5'
FINAL DESTINATION" — ★1/2 — Nicholas D'Agosto, Emma Bell, David Koechner, Courtney B. Vance, Miles Fisher, Tony Todd; R (strong violent/gruesome accidents, and some language); in general releaseThere was a scene, lo those many (OK, 11) years ago, in the original "Final Destination." One of the characters who inadvertently "cheated death" and ruined "death's grand design" had holed up in a cabin, which then had to be made accident-proof.
Sharp objects of every shape and form were noted by the camera as we, the viewers, were made to cringe and anticipate what gruesome things might happen.
Over the succeeding years, the "Destinations" have gotten away from that anticipation, lost track of character, shrugged off performance and given up any thoughts of subtext — young people who figure they're going to live forever suddenly preoccupied with mortality. The films have become elaborate 3-D chain-reaction "accidents" that cause someone — a survivor, a cop — to say "It's CAN'T be a coincidence."
And somebody else will declare, "It ISN'T."
Those "classic" accidents are revisited in the closing credits of "Destination 5," images we remember, characters we don't. It's a slack and soulless but competently executed film of a script with butter-knife-dull dialogue and actors cast because of their "type."
Sam (Nicholas D'Agosto) is the young guy whose premonition causes him, his ex-girlfriend (Emma Bell) and six others to flee a bus before the bridge they're on collapses. He has seen the amazing 3-D-blood-on-the-lens ways they're all going to die — impaled on a sailboat mast or by a stack of re-bar, squished by a falling convertible, drowned in the bus.
But they're not even done mourning their dead colleagues (they were headed for a corporate retreat) when the survivors start dying off. Death diva Tony Todd ("The Candyman") shows up as a coroner who explains that they "shorted death" — and death always counts the till at the end of a disaster.
Two words for you — acupuncture accident. Two more — lethal lasik. The deaths are executed (ahem) with care. It's the colorless performances and predictable conversations that pretty much kill this one.
There's one big anticipation scene — Sam works in a fancy restaurant, and a kitchen is filled with things that can cut, crush, grind, boil or burn you to death.
The elaborate terminal exits drew more script attention than the characters or anything else. Without a moral component to the tale, we're just treated to perfunctory killing effects and stunts and gore, which make fans of the genre dutifully hoot and holler and applaud.
Screenwriter Eric Heisserer and director Steven Quale may be patting themselves on the back for their semi-clever back-engineered ending. It's the 85-minute journey that precedes that "final" destination that counts. This isn't the worst of the bunch, not by far. But my premonition is this won't be the finale this series has screamed out for these past few years.
This decapitation train never seems to reach its destination.
"Final Destination 5" is rated R for strong violent/gruesome accidents, and some language; running time: 85 minutes.
Final Destination 5
Make that sequels about death - teen-oriented exploitation movies in which generic young actors meet their fates in a series of gruesome, occasionally suspenseful scenes. The latest of these, "Final Destination 5," isn't as novel as it hopes to be, but it gets the job done.
More playful than the old "Friday the 13th" and "Halloween" series of hunt-the-kids-down flicks, the "Final Destination" series offered something new. Here, the villain isn't a nasty, mask-wearing man wielding knives; it's fate itself, a sense that the entire physical world is loaded with inevitable death for those who somehow evade the Reaper the first time he comes calling. The camera in "FD5" treats inanimate objects - malfunctioning air conditioners, say - as killers whose mindlessness only makes them more unstoppable.
This series courted fans with elaborate chain-reaction sequences in which minor accidents cause mayhem. Writer Eric Heisserer and director Steven Quale fill their quota of those here, but they only get part of the formula right. While viewers will get plenty of nervous giggles out of watching as burping water-coolers or (yes!) inappropriately ringing cell phones trigger fatal mishaps, the filmmakers don't milk the this-leads-to-that element that made Rube Goldberg famous. Once the initial trigger happens, there's not a lot of fun left in the scene.
Even by this franchise's standards, it's perverse that a pointy, one-centimeter-long screw (standing point-up on a gymnast's balance beam) should provide more tension than anything else here - doubly so because it features in the first death sequence, and the thrills taper off pretty consistently from there.
To their credit, Heisserer and Quale do manage a couple of grisly, postmortem punch lines after viewers think the violence has reached its conclusion. But one or two of the gags are mean-spirited enough to kill the humor.
The script and acting satisfy the genre's requirements by being thoroughly forgettable. After leaving, we will remember only that some of the characters were dating each other, one wanted to be a chef, one was a pudgy, bespectacled guy with an inexplicably active love life, and one looked like a low-rent, heavy-eyebrowed Tom Cruise. Oh - and David Koechner, the braying boor from "Anchorman" and "The Office," was their boss.
Another thing viewers might forget is that the movie was in 3-D, a fact that becomes irrelevant soon after the attention-getting opening titles. If a movie this full of surprise impalement and vicious projectiles can't make 3-D fun, isn't it time to scrap the whole fad?
Final Destination 5 Star Talks Psycho Past, Leonardo DiCaprio's Gay Kiss
New Line Cinema You may not know Miles Fisher by name, but who could ever forget his Tom CruiseSuperhero Movie? parody in the 2008 film,
A video of the spoof went viral, getting more than 10 million hits on the web. Another viral hit was Fisher's cover of the Talking Heads' "This Must Be the Place" while imitating Christian Bale's performance as serial killer Patrick Bateman in American Psycho.
We caught up with the 28-year-old Dallas native the other day to talk about starring in Final Destination 5 (out today), his twisted take on Saved By the Bell and what to expect in his upcoming movie, J. Edgar.
Yes, we asked about Leonardo DiCaprio and Armie Hammer's kissing scenes. As if we wouldn't...
READ: Will Armie Hammer look good in his Lone Ranger chaps?
What can you tell me about your character in Final Destination 5?
He kind of adds a new element into the entire franchise. Peter is a young junior executive at this large paper company and he's a guy who knows exactly what he wants in life and knows how to get it. So when these horrible things happen and all his colleagues and friends die, he kind of tries to make sense of these things. He starts taking matters into his own hands."
Was your American Psycho video influential in getting you the role?
I think it was, to be perfectly honest. I auditioned for the part but I didn't really hear anything back. Then the next thing I know is I have a meeting with the executives from New Line and all they want to do is talk about the American Psycho video. They were quoting it back to me in the office. The next thing I know I got offered the part.
You released a video last month for your own original song, "New Romance." It's genius—a slasher flick spoof of Saved By the Bell.
It's a very happy-go-lucky kind of pop song, but I was like let's take the safe, friendly, family acceptable world of Saved by the Bell and make it a little subversive and throw in a little bit of edge.
READ: Review of Final Destination 5
You were in an a cappella group at Harvard. So why haven't you done a Glee parody yet?
They're competition! Their movie is coming out this weekend, too. [Laughs] So I'll hold off on Glee for the time being.
You went to Harvard at the same time as Mark Zuckerberg. Were you friends?
He left sophomore year, but who I knew very well were the Winklevoss twins. They lived down the hall from me and we played in a band together. Armie Hammer [he played the twins in The Social Network] is also a buddy of mine so I got to introduce the three of them in real life, which was a bit of a trip.
Speaking of Armie, you play an FBI agent in J. Edgar with him and Leonardo DiCaprio. So I have to ask, did you see Leo and Armie kiss?
Reviews: 30 Minutes, Final Destination 5, The Help
Checkout the overall ratings that these movies are receiving from Film critics. In Theaters This Weekend: 30 Minutes or Less, Final Destination 5, Glee: The 3D Concert Movie and The Help.
30 Minutes or Less: Jesse Eisenberg is a pizza delivery guy who is kidnapped by wanna-be criminal masterminds and forced to rob a bank. Rottentomatoes.com Rating: 43% Metacritic.com Rating: 51
Final Destination 5: A group of co-workers narrowly escape a bridge disaster, only to be hunted down by Death itself, coming to collect its due. Rottentomatoes.com Rating: 55% Metacritic.com Rating: 48
Glee: The 3D Concert Movie: A concert documentary following the cast of the hit musical television show on their summer 2011 live tour. Rottentomatoes.com Rating: 63% Metacritic.com Rating: 50
The Help: Emma Stone stars in a drama about three Southern women who strike up an unlikely friendship in 1960s Mississippi. Rottentomatoes.com Rating: 73% Metacritic.com Rating: 62
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